I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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