Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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