i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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