Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize