hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My vagina is very pro this idea
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
