Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
