Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
is it fun? or sober?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
