i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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