Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
