I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize