Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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