btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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