Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
