I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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