There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
