I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
