went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
