In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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