I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
