Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
