When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
