the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
