I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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