this just has baby written all over it
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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