i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
