Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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