So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
3 2 1 whiskey
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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