So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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