First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
