i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It was a blind-side dick pic.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
