You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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