what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
