A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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