I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
