ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
