Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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