He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
