you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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