come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
