Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
