guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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