The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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