Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
