ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she pinky promised me she was 18
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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