My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
