I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
