I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
