Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
