before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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