we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
