roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
