i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
