She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
