so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
