Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
