And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
