Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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