Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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