I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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