she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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