I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I love having hate sex.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
