and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
