I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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