HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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